Photo Shoots and Traffic Karma

If you know me in person, you know about my traffic karma. It's pretty bad. I could be the only person in the parking lot up until the moment I decide to leave and then...suddenly EVERYONE with a vehicle in a 50' radius has magically appeared in the drivers seat and is pulling out at the same time.
I could be the only driver on the road, until I decide to make a turn, then...suddenly, there is a car traveling the opposite direction and at just the right speed as to be exactly in the way to prevent me from turning...now I have to wait for them to get out of the way...
It's the way things are for me. I noticed this a long time ago and it's showing no signs of abating.

Recently my Photo Shoot Karma has been sucking just as much. Models with whom I felt a pretty solid connection with artistically have been having to cancel or reschedule at the last minute. Almost literally. I had a shoot scheduled with one girl, and she canceled the day before. Seemed like a legit reason, and I know as well as the next person that Life gets in the way. So we reschedule. On THAT day, her Mother calls me an hour before the shoot to say they had both gotten food poisoning from eating out the night before! So I tell the model to contact me when SHE'S ready...So she does, and we reschedule. And I'm thinking: This time it's gonna happen, cuz...well...I'm optimistic that way. She canceled. And I haven't made any efforts to try again cuz 3 times in a row is more than I can take.
On to the next shoot...same stuff happens, only this time I get the text about her not feeling well enough to shoot as she's on the way TO the shoot...sigh...
Well, long story short (yeah, I know. Too late.) we just wrapped our rescheduled shoot! And THIS almost didn't happen. I won't get into the details, I'm just sayin'...Karma's a Bitch.

This year marks a "First" for me

This is the first year since my father's passing in 1990 that I specifically did not visit his grave. There are a few reasons for this, but the primary reason is the heat. I think I have a pretty solid connection to the memory of my father that the physical attendance at his marker in the heat of the summer is just not necessary. In fact I am beginning to feel it would be just as appropriate to visit on his birthday, which is late October. It not only help eliminate my bitching about the heat, but seems more appropriate to honor his birthday with more reverence than the day he passed.

While I'm at it, I need to confess that I have not honored my Mother's birthday or day of passing with as much vigilance as my fathers. I really need to remedy that. I think I will try to visit them both tomorrow if time and temperature allow. I have to work tonight, and am off at 8am tomorrow morning so it's doable.

HHmm...other than that...I don't have much more to say. I'm going to try to rest a bit before I have to leave for work.

g'night...

Been a long time since I...

...Rock & Rolled!
...Did the Stroll!
...Wrote in my Blog!

Yes it has been a long time. And honestly I'm not completely sure I know why. Although, I can say with certainty that I am beginning to remember why I don't do any serious typing on my laptop anymore! This keyboard is too freaking small! I am so used to the "Naturals" style keyboards I use on my desktop at home and at work, that this flat little thing is really making me nuts with all the typos!!

So, on to my free forming thought parade.
There was a time in the past when I first set up this blog when I was contributing to it much more frequently. Even when I felt I had nothing important to say, I would still bang out some useless drivel just to try and keep my mind sharp.
But lately I haven't had the drive to even make meaningless postings.
I haven't felt like sharing my life on the Internet, not because I was afraid of who might see it, but I was afraid that no one would bother with it.
I have friends and family that I know love me and care for me. And I feel the same to them...but we are all so caught up in our daily lives that stopping to read the inane postings of a man with nothing important to say is...not very high on the priority list. So...I figure...why bother when there's no real audience. I mean, all the really meaningful dialog of and about my life takes place in my own head, so what good comes from tapping on the keyboard? (especially THIS keyboard!)
But in the tapping comes some kind of calming effect. Some generally therapeutic sensation that by doing T H I S I am essentially doing what Dreams are supposed to do. Releasing stuff that's been locked up in my mind. All the drivel of the day that gets tossed in the back of my mind because at the time I think of it I don't have time to think ON it...or because some outside factor pops up to interfere with the process (that's what happens with four dogs in my house...)
So, here I am...tapping my sub-conscience thoughts out on a laptop with a keyboard I am not fond of to the point of being distracted by the sound of January's panting.
What can I say. I just don't have anything BIG to say at the moment. But I still wanted to say SOMEthing...
OK...SOMEthing. There, am I happy now?

I am SO not looking forward to summer this year. I am really not a big fan of the heat...especially when the AC unit on my house is so old it hardly cools the air anymore and I have no way to replace it cuz that takes money that I ain't got.

So...let me ask you this: If you had the funds to do one of these two things, which would you choose:
1. Replace all the horrible carpet in your home with some kind of hardwood flooring
or
2. pay for a significant chunk of the cost to replace the old AC unit on your house.
Either one of these two things should increase the value of your home as well as improve your comfort level...

I dunno...I'm stuck. I have a refund due soon that could put me in a position to have this choice for real, but damned if I know which one to do...which way to go.

Story of my life: Too many choices. heh...


===Steven===>>

Blogging with Buddy

This is my sister Debbie's video blog. She started it in an effort to increase awareness of the Animal Rescue organizations in her city. PLEASE do me (and Debbie) a favor and take a look! And help spread the word about her efforts by passing the link along as well!!

Thank you!! :)

You don't REALLY think that's FUNNY...Do You? (Yes, this is a serious Rant. I'm not being facetious...)

*Disclaimer: This comment is directed to the public in general and is NOT directed toward anyone specific poster of these videos.
-- -- --
I have seen postings of these "Scary" videos floating around on line for a while. You know, the vids that capture the reactions of innocent people when someone jumps out of a refrigerator at them...or comes out of the closet with a Chainsaw... I'm sure you've seen your share. You may have even thought they were funny. I don't know how that is. Hhmm...Maybe it's just me. Maybe I am a "Fuddy Duddy".

Personally, I find no humor in watching people scare others to the point that they may actually injure themselves. People falling off ladders...propelling themselves backwards into solid objects, striking out with whatever is in their hands at what or who ever is in front of them with the mask...

I'm sure one of the thoughts of some of the people who will read rant of mine will be that I am taking this too seriously and I should lighten up! Learn to laugh at stuff! They may even come at me with a serious attempt to justify why it's funny. Hey...I love a good discussion, but I have to wonder: When you hear from a friend or on the news about people taken to the hospital for serious injuries they incurred from being the target of these activities...do you laugh at that too? Do you feel a desire to try out a scare-gag or two yourself? Maybe post a video online and get your 15 minutes of "eFame"?

If you do, my advise to you is: Please keep your distance from me. I can not and will not be held personally responsible for the damage I am likely to inflict on you during my reaction to a prank you pulled just because because you thought it would be "Funny" to scare me.

However, even if you don't take my advice, I still offer this to you: I Promise I Won't Laugh as you speed away to a medical facility with the Broken Arm, or cracked rib you got when things didn't go as you planned.

Well...I might snicker a little, but you won't mind...will ya?

===Steven===>>

Confession of a Photography Hack: Standing on the Dock of Uncertainty

After viewing this video and then reading this post on Zack Arias' photography blog, I feel compelled to write this confession: I have been standing on the dock my entire life.

Every so often I will climb aboard a little tour boat and go off somewhere for a "safe" holiday. And when I arrive at that "other place", I am able to see where I came from I start thinking to myself: "Wow! I made it! I'm somewhere else!"

But eventually my vacation ends. And when the journey is finally over and I disembark from my tour boat, I realize that it has returned me to the same place I started from. And the most disturbing thought about it is this: I was steering the boat the whole time!

I know that I could have steered that boat anywhere. Yet I chose to come back "here". Again and again in my life I

have taken the same boat on the same tour and each time I think this will be the last time I take it. I believe that when I get off the boat this time, I really will be someplace new and different! But every time I end up “here” again.

It happened with my Art: After High School, rather than attend College I attended a Graphic Design school. But I never became a Graphic Artist.

It happened with my music. Although I played drums in a garage band for 6 years back in the 90's, I never become a Real Musician.

It happened with my Business: I got involved in Real Estate Investing back when the bubble was still growing bigger and bigger. But I didn’t work it the right way and wound up having to ditch my investments.

And it’s happening with my Photography: I didn't go to school for it. Now I am feeling with more and more frequency that my lack of formal education in fully understanding the technical stuff is preventing me from succeeding.

But, I do recognize that I have some skills. I have had much positive feedback from people-not-my-family/friends. And yet I still struggle internally with doubts and a serious lack of confidence. I struggle with learning about lighting. I buy books and I even read thru some of them. I buy “Learn to be a Photographer” DVD’s and such as well. I attend workshops on lighting and such, and really do learn some good things. But while I see others taking it to the “Next Level”, I am still trying to figure out a good Workflow, and Filing System. Still trying to learn how to place the lights based on knowledge, rather than just “guessing”.

They say that we are our own toughest critics…and I am here to tell you “They” are right! The more I shoot and show my work the more I am afraid of being seen as a Photography Hack…One of those Digital Guys that the Old School Film shooters are always bitching about because we steal their business by offering Photographic Services on the Cheap or even “Gasp!” for Free! (TFP)

Yet somehow I haven’t considered selling my gear. I just keep hacking away behind the camera and in Photoshop. I continue trying to learn about lighting ratios, and how to distinguish in advance what the effects on an image will be when I change the shutter speed or the f/stop. I work on learning how to effectively use the gazillion Light Modifiers which are available to me. I keep working on learning the technical stuff just to throw it all away when I have a subject in front of me and I am finally able to lose myself in the process of Creating My Art.

By the way, I do still play my Drums. I’ve got a kit setup in the living room, much to the neighbor’s dismay I’m sure. And I am able to lose myself in the rhythms when I play, even though it is just me playing by myself. And I do still like to draw at times…but I have to admit that everything takes a back seat to the Passion of Photography. And by everything I include The Doubt, The Fear, and The Apprehension I feel whenever I don’t have a camera in my hand…

Weird, huh?

Subscribe to this blog with Feedburner!

I have just added the ability for folks to subscribe to my blogs via Feedburner.
So I am asking all who are currently receiving updates to PLEASE go to the blog page itself and subscribe using the "Subscribe Via Email" option at the top of the screen.
Once you have subscribed, LET ME KNOW with a message directly to me and I will pull your email from the Yahoo Groups Distribution List...that way you won't get multiple emails from every post!
In a few weeks I plan on discontinuing use of the Yahoo Group completely so if you have any interest in continuing to be notified of new posts, please take a moment to use the new Feedburner tool.

As always your comments & continued support are much appreciated!

===Steven===>>

The Dark Ones on Flickr

The Dark Ones now have their very own Flickr Profile.
Here's a sample of what's to come:


So...waddayatink?

===Wilgar===>>

Just a post to pass the time

I realized I haven't posted here for a while. Partly because I don't have anything pressing on my mind at the moment, and partly because most of my focus has been on Photography, so naturally my photo blog is the place I post that stuff.
But, just to throw a few things out there here's a basic update, in no particular order...
I had a photo shoot yesterday with a model named Franchesca. She and I actually work at the same place, but in different departments so once we learned of each other, and I mean that in the "Oh! You're a model? I'm a photographer!" "Oh! You're a photographer? I'm a model" kinda way...we talked about what kind of images she wanted to add to her portfolio...and decided on Pinup style. Cool! Pinup is fun cuz it's all about the attitude! I got my MUA on the job, and she brought a Hair Stylist and it was off to the races! Sorta. I have been having some technical issues with my lighting rig, and wound up spending too much time having to deal with that. Consequently I wasn't at all as happy with the lighting rig as I have been in the past.
But, I still feel we got a number of quality images to choose from so I'm feeling good about that...

hhmm...let's see...something NOT photography related...Oh! I actually filed my taxes ON TIME this year! Woot!! I'll be getting a nice refund from Fed & State so that's nice.

I am (once again) doing a Refi of my mortgage to lower the interest rate from %6.5 to %5.5 and save about $160/month. That will be good, if it goes as planned. My Mtg guy has all the paperwork, so now it's just a matter of making arrangements to close before the end of April.
When I am done with this...I don't think I will even THINK about Real Estate again for at LEAST 20 years!

What else...what else...Oh! Due to high demand, my friend Jessie has decided to open his American Taijutsu school again and is operating out of my backyard because he lives in a townhouse and doesn't have a yard. Class is on Sun mornings & Wed evenings...I work on Sundays, but am off on Weds so I should be able to attend at least once a week. Woot!
Now I need to move some stuff around on the porch and create a storage space for class related items...

hhmm...Still don't have a girl in my life. That's really annoying because I think I am ready for another relationship...I just don't know how to get one. Hell, I Never knew how! Connecting with Judy all those years ago was a fluke! (A very happy fluke, but a fluke nonetheless!)

I just don't know how to meet women...other than as potential photography clients. That's easy. "Hi! My name's Steven and I'm a photographer. I would love to work with you...here's my card..." That's actually worked a couple of times, so I ain't giving it up...I just need to somehow convert that to: "Hi! My name is Steven...I would love to take you to Dinner, here's my card..."
Believe me I've thought about it plenty of times...but have yet to pull it off.

And that is all I have time for at the moment. Thanks for letting me rant at you. Feel free to Rant Back via the comments... Really! Leave me comments! DO IT! :)

To all friends of Sarge:

To all friends of Sarge,

Today we received the tragic news that we have lost one of our own—Kelly Sabucco, aka “The Sarge”. He left us at 5:30am on Saturday, March 7^th, 2009. He was 41. He leaves behind his mother Nancy and a daughter, Jonna-Rae.

He was the one-man “Brute Squad” for ROCKY HORROR security, a lifelong fixture at Phoenix-area science fiction conventions and other fandom events, the guy who put out all the free posters at Chandler Cinemas, and a man who had not paid to see a movie in almost ten years (because he always saw the sneak previews!). He was a gentle giant, a true comrade, and a gentleman.

His mother is not planning any services, but she has given her blessing for his friends to do so. So we will be hosting a memorial service for him at Chandler Cinemas next Friday night at 8pm. The Memorial will be free; all ages may attend. Details below. The following Mardi Gras ROCKY HORROR performance will be dedicated to his memory (which I'm sure is making him smile, wherever he is).

As his mother is on a fixed income and his passing (including the interment costs) will be a great hardship for her, we will be taking up a collection to help her in this difficult time. There may also be a sale or auction of some of his belongings. (Details are still being worked out.)

He will be missed and mourned by so many of us, in all the different social scenes that he moved within—and which he helped network between, and glue together. Wherever you knew him from—ROCKY, conventions, movie premieres—I would like to invite everyone to be there. I can think of no better tribute than to bring together all his friends, from all his many social circles, in one place, in his memory.

If anyone has photos, video or other remembrances they’d like to share, please contact me with the info below.

A memorial page can be found at http://azrocky.com/index_files/Page385.htm and his Myspace profile is at www.myspace.com/itsthesarge . Please pass this message along to anyone else who should know.

I hope to see as many of Sarge’s friends as possible next Friday night.

Genuine Love

Matthew Yenkala

azrocky@gmail.com

602 502 8421

EVENT: Memorial Service for Sarge

TIME: Friday, March 13^th, 2009, 8pm-10pm

LOCATION: Chandler Cinemas, 2140 North Arizona Avenue, Chandler AZ 85225

(NW corner of Arizona Ave & Warner, behind Target)

INVITED: Everyone is welcome; no cost; no age restrictions

That night’s Mardi Gras ROCKY HORROR performance (18+) will be dedicated to his memory.

Winter's End: The Dark One's Feb Party

Tonight is the Feb Party and I am a bit excited because I have been "commissioned" to take portraits at the party this year. So not only will I be roaming the party shooting pics of the event, but I have a space set up just for me to do the portraits of DO/DOA'S that will be used on the new profile page of the new DO website. I am also participating in the Game we are running at the party so I expect to be pretty busy tonight...and I still have some prep work to do before tonight, but I wanted to post something today to test my new CrackBerry's functionality...Seems to be working!
Keep your eyes on my Flickr pages for my postings of tonights pics!

===Wilgar===>>

Feels like a slump

Oh, I'm in rare form tonight with two separate postings in one night! Woo Hoo!
Well, maybe you won't feel that way after reading this. To start things off I want to state/warn that this posting is very much a free flowing expression of thoughts as they occur to me. Or at least as quickly as possible given that I have to pause to actually type the thoughts out and do a lot of backspacing to correct typo's as I see them...

So, on to the substance: I'm in a slump. Slumping in work (a bit, but not horribly). Slumping in my hobbies. Those of you reading this who know me...which I assume is just about everyone, since I don't really get people reading this blog from the outside...well you know that I have two main hobbies in my life: Drumming and Photography.
They are both very different and very exciting ways for me to express myself. Not that I think too much about the "expressing myself" part but even I have to admit that it's pretty much what it all boils down to. In Photography I express myself when I take action to make a photo shoot happen by finding an inspiration, finding the key players to help me make the vision a reality (Models, MUA, Stylists etc...) and then doing the post production work on the images to create a final piece of work. Of course it should be stated that these days, with the advent of the Digital Photographic Era and photo editing software such as Photoshop and others, there is the strong possibility that an image is NEVER really done. Taking it thru the creative process and tweaking it again and again is always possible now. That's a pretty rare thing for me to do, but I have to acknowledge that it's a possibility.
But normally, once I figure out what I want the image to look like and get it as close as possible, I'm done with it. I have to be because there are a gazillion other images demanding my attention!
However, at the moment, there is just no real incentive to push myself to work on images...and there is a nagging thought in my mind that is actually slowing me down. Simply put the thought is this: There are too many options for where to take an image and I can't make the decision right now!
Yeah, big surprise. I know...
Often times my other hobby is useful for helping out of this funk. Playing drums in a band that focuses on music from a very narrow sliver of time, and is then limited further by only being able to play a few of those songs due to the limitations of the band (we are a 3 piece and have no Keyboards and no way to adequately produce Vocal Harmony) means that my choices of what and how to play something are also rather limited. This is normally not a problem for me as the simple act of playing the music with other musicians is often enough of a thrill to make the whole thing worthwhile.
But...
And you had to know there would be a "but..."
For various reasons there is less and less satisfaction to be had with both of these passtimes.
For one thing, I want to make Photography much more than a "Passtime" and have grand visions of amazing images I want to create...but am lacking the key element in making it all happen: My Muse. The model I can connect with and find inspiration in that will cause me to WANT to go thru all the trouble of a photoshoot.
I have a gut feeling that I may have met a strong candidate for this role. But it's not a forgone conclusion that it will happen.
She's got the right "look" but I don't know if she has it inside to be able to fulfill this role.
Me being who I am, I feel a tinge of regret at this because I really want her to work out, but I get the distinct sense that the obsticles will be greater than we can overcome. At least for the now.
Who knows what the future holds? I certainly don't...at least I don't know anything further than the fact that I will be going to sleep relatively soon as I have obligations in the morning tomorrow and it's already 10:30pm and I haven't even beGUN to do the photo editing that needs to be done.
I blame you.
Yes, that feels right to me...

I have a few things to rethink...

This will be a pretty short post. It may be a tad obscure...but hopefully cathartic at the same time.

I recently had a first date with a girl I met a few years ago and have often thought about.
She's sexy, intelligent, talented, yadda yadda... but as with anyone, has more sides to her than originally meet the eye.

I have hopes of advancing things with her on a variety of levels. Personally, Photographically, Musically...

But it's been said that hopes are not a thing one is always capable of hanging a hat upon...

It's time for me to rethink a few things...

More later.

Maybe.

Access dB Woes

So, just for fun (sarcasm) I decided to see if I could improve a process at work.
I am in charge of updating a file that tracks the On Call techs for a variety of different departments each week. As it is, each department has a schedule for the year, and I access each individual schedule to import the current weeks data to a "Master" file that my department uses during "After Hours".
So my desire is to automate the process so that the current weeks on call information is automatically called up when the file is accessed. I know this is possible, I just don't know how...so I was playing in Access hoping to get a better feel for how to make it work, but I have no real knowledge of Database structure outside of a very basic understand that the Data is stored in Tables, etc...
So, after dinking around in Access for about an hour I have come to the conclusion that I want a cheeseburger...

So...I decided to Twitter a little bit

I really don't know why I created a Twitter account...maybe just to see what all the fuss is over it.
I mean, if I had something of significance to say, I would blog about it. And the thoughts that are expressible in message small enough to fit on that site are, to me, pretty silly things to commit to the ether...but, there I am...being a twit like all the rest and writing my little thoughts in little sentences...
If YOU have a Twitter account, and can offer some reason why it's such a big deal, please share your thoughts with me either here on this blog, or be witty on twitter with me...

Happy Thanksgiving!

So, I wound up working my regular shift (9am - 8pm) on Thanksgiving and have been trying to keep busy most of the day. There have been spikes of activity throughout the day, but for the most part it's been extremely slow. No...I am not complaining. I like it when things are slow and steady. It gives me a chance to talk to coworkers and get to know them better.
Today was one of those days. I have been pleasantly passing the time with Steve and learning that he and I have several things in common: One of his hobbies is photography; I have seen him reading at least 2 books that I have read myself; and we've been bantering a few "Hitchhikers" quotes around today, which was surprisingly satisfying.
So I have to say that it's a fortunate circumstance that I worked today. But there's more: Triple Time pay! (ChaCHING!) Oh, and the company catered a very nice Turkey Dinner from Boston Market again this year. In fact...I gotta go. There's some stuffing and turkey breast with my name on it!

===Steven===>>

Fwd: Steven Brust Unplugged (CopperCon 28)

CopperCon 28: Photo Report. The Con took place over the weekend of Aug 29th - 31st. Today is Dead dog Sunday, but I have to work, so I was only able to attend Friday & Sat. I was there taking photos of the convention as a Staff Member for the Con and hitting the events of interest to me to capture the experience as best as I could...
So...last night I was sitting in the audience to watch my favorite author, Steven Brust, performing at his concert. I have my Canon 40D camera with me and I have been using it to take stills all convention long, including from this very performance, when it occurs to me that my phone shoots video, and wouldn't it be cool to have something more than just still photos. This clip represents 100% of the footage I captured at his concert.

Go Figure.

===Wilgar===>>

Wanna read something Really Cool?

Microsoft comic book 'The Lost Ones' better off not found | NetworkWorld.com Community

My sister Julie asked me to review the new on line graphic novel "The Lost Ones" published on the Zune Arts website. So I read the story and gave her my impression. And wouldn't ya know it, she posted it! I feel like Steve Martin in the movie "The Jerk". I want to run around yelling "My review is on line! My review is on line! My name in "print"! I'm SOMEBODY!" But that might be overstating things a bit.

I would take it as a great favor if you all would read the review and leave your feedback about it there! It would certainly mean a lot to me, and to my sister Julie as well!

Thank you in advance!!

===Steven===>>

I guess I was hacked!

Sorry everyone! I just learned that my Blog was hacked and a bogus phishing scheme post was sent to you all. I have made the necessary corrections and hope that you all will accept my apologies for the spam!

However if you still want to help Miss Kala, I would be willing to get your personal account information to her for you.

Trust me.


===Steven===>>

Disappointments Abound

So...I have had a few Disappointments this past week. I am trying not to focus on them because that gives them too much power over me. But I want to get them off my chest and here is as good a place as any to do it.

First of all, this week marks the 18th anniversary of my fathers passing (July 3rd, 1990) and I always get a bit melancholy about that. I miss my father very much. There are so many things I want to talk about with him and questions I want to ask and stories I want to hear! I realize that this is the natural order of life, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

The Fourth of July was actually a really good day for me! I spent the majority of it at home working on projects intended to aid me in my photography and that just feels good! Then I continued a tradition that was started several years ago by The Dark Ones and that is to view the Glendale Community College fireworks display from Sahuaro Ranch Park! It was really hot but that's to be expected in Phoenix AZ in July! But then we had a bit of a Monsoon storm come thru. The clouds covered the sun and the wind gusted strong for a few hours to aid in cooling things down a bit, but that wind was a bit of a hindrance to any attempt to enjoy all the BB-Q goodness that was available! I was really afraid that the show would be canceled because of it as well, but the wind calmed down in time for the show to take place. It was a very nice display of pretty lights and colors! (I got some good shots too! Including a really cool lightning picture! Woot!)
The next day (yesterday) was, again, a combination of fun and disappointment. I had a scheduled photo shoot with a model who was coming up from Tucson for the weekend. So I spent more time cleaning and setting up the "Studio". The disappointment came as I was still tweaking the lighting. I snapped 25 images...and as she sat on the stool she was posing on, said she wanted to reschedule because she was feeling sick. She had told me on the phone earlier that she had eaten something on the 4th that had made her ill. She thought she was over it, but then it kinda snuck up on her all of the sudden. So, hours of work to prepare...and 25 images to show for it.
But the silver lining here is that it allowed me to attend a birthday/pool party at Jeff and Nola's that I otherwise wouldn't have been able to go to! I have to say that I had a really wonderful time. It was relaxing and fun. There were about 35-40 people there splashing in the pool and having more BB-Q goodness! I hadn't been swimming like that for such a long time I almost forgot what it was like!

Then, today as I was getting ready to work on the photos from yesterday's abbreviated photo shoot, the RAW files up and disappeared! I mean POOF! Gone! And I didn't delete them either! What happened was this: I was using picasa to view the pics. Picasa has a "rotate" function and I utilized it to get the correct orientation of the RAW images. Well...long story a little shorter, the RAW files were "poofed" before my eyes! I mean GONE! They weren't in the Deleted Items folder...nor in a "hidden" folder...they were just GONE!
I had only one option to get them back and that was to pay $40 for a piece of software to recover them from my CF card which I had already re-formated! Man what a royal pain! But it was a successful venture and now I have something to use if this ever pops up again.

But here is the main thing that has disappointed me: I had a model cancel a shoot scheduled later this week for "Personal Reasons". Frankly that has really eaten away at my self confidence. I mean, I understand completely when life throws a curve ball and things don't go as planned. I think I demonstrated that when my model asked to reschedule during a shoot! But what gets me here is this: I feel that I did everything correctly and professionally with this other girl. We met to discuss creative ideas. I bought her lunch and we brainstormed and I thought came upon a really great concept that I was really excited about! We even planned to meet a week before the shoot to shop for things we would need for the shoot that likely I would have paid for and she would have kept. But she no-showed me that day. Didn't return my calls on that day asking what happened...and then today when I called her again and left a message asking about the status of the shoot all I got was a text message saying she had to cancel for "personal reasons". Not that she had to reschedule...but cancel.
So, what happened? I mean if she doesn't want to shoot with me, I can't change that, but I really want to know why...! I was professional, friendly and genuinely excited to work with her and on this themed shoot... Now I sit and languish with the thought that somehow I did or said something to make her feel uncomfortable. But honestly I don't know what it could have been! And the bit that gets me the most is that I likely never will! Even if she did tell me what it was, all it would do to me is make me more upset because I guarantee it would be something she misinterpreted or misconstrued and no amount me saying "no, that's not the case..." would change things.

Well I could go on and on about this stuff. And who knows, I may come back and visit this topic, but for now, I am tired.

Good night.