In the distant past I was posting a few very personal thoughts in an attempt to help clear my head. For whatever reason, I stopped. Or at least held back on the personal stuff because sometimes it's not something I wanted the Internet to know.
But tonight will be a bit of the old style. A look at my inner thoughts.
It won't be overly long, but it will be "potent".
So...It's been over a year since my mother passed away and I am still missing her. It's a hard feeling to admit to because I spent so much energy resenting her presence in my home. But as time passes, and the emptiness gets larger, I have to say that the time she spent living with me was good for us both.
I have a roommate now, who is a very nice guy and I am very fortunate to have found such a trustworthy person to share my home, but it's not the same as being able to go into her room and know that I could unload all of my problems and come out of there feeling better than when I went in.
I recently found an old video tape from one of the first Deadman's Parties I ever had here. There is a very brief moment with mom in it. At first when I saw it, I kept thinking that she looks drunk or medicated. But now I just want to watch it to feel closer to her and see her alive again. That is one of my regrets: That I don't have more video footage. Ah well...live and learn.
===Steven===>>
